Death

my first thought in my very first blog here in blogspot.com..

its the "thing" continually recurring in my mind for weeks. It all started when I had dinner with colleagues, the guys in front of me were watching vid from Than's HP. out of curiosity, i begged Than to watch the vid as well, basta tanong nya sa akin kung matibay ang sikmura ko.. i said "YES" without hesitation and without any idea what's on the screen.
the video is all about embalming the dead, at don ko nakita how the embalmer actually performed their task, di ko alam kung yun ang proper way kasi the way he did it para lang sya nagkakatay ng hayop, very inhumane how he cut open from neck down to stomach tapos inalis lahat ng internal organs in one shot, then after that tinalupan din ang ulo.
after watching the vid, nakwento ko kay fafi na di sya maalis sa isip ko and was very afraid of my family's death kasi ganun na lang itatrato. sabi lang sa akin ni fafi, na-trauma nga daw ako at wag na manonood ng ganung klase ng video... ang tao pag namatay considered na as waste kaya kelangan silang i-dispose pero bago yun kelangan alisin muna ang mga bagay na madaling masira sa katawan.

from that conversation, napag usapan na din namin yung gagawin namin in case one of us passed away, either be buried or cremation. and even talked about our plans afterwards whether to continuously stay here or uwi sa pinas... if we'll re-marry again... i told him to get married right away coz having a new partner will somehow ease the pain, he agreed. isa lang bilin ko sa kanya, in case i'll be diagnosed with cancer which runs in my family - i don't want to die ugly and in pain :) if there will be an option of euthanasia, grab it.. hayyy kung applicable lang ang AMD for resident here I would gladly sign up.

there were some cases that i wish i die na lang, dumarating pala yun sa buhay ng tao lalo na pag you're feeling down and alone.. though sometimes i'm thinking of suicide as an option, ayaw ko naman gawin.. not because im afraid of going to hell coz i did some things equally mortal sin as taking my own life - i'm not, i know that i'll go directly straight to hell, walang due process yan for sure.. - i just don't want my family na hindi maging beneficial over my death.

oh my.. dami kong thoughts about death...